And I Have To Pay For The F*cking Flowers?: A heads-up for the Father of the Bride on how you are about to get really screwed. (And a few things you can do about it.) by Jay H. Heyman – Published July 16th, 2018
There are two financial predicaments that face the Father of the Bride (FOB). One problem is the attempt of the groom’s family to move as many of the wedding expenditures as possible to the FOB’s side of the wallet. This does not mean they are all cheap bastards. (But this guide assumes that they are.) Another hitch is that any time the word “wedding” is used as part of a sentence, the price quoted is marked up higher than a bottle of water in the Sahara desert.
For the Father of the Bride, the insights in this guide will minimize stress and aggravation, since he will be on full red alert. And while we cannot fully put a stop to the screwing he is about to receive, at least the FOB will see why the simple process of two people exchanging vows can make a college graduate’s student loan debt seem like pocket change.
Everything I have learned about the mystifying monetary shockers, from hiring the photographer, choosing the venue, printing the invitations, selecting the DJ, etc., is covered here. Be assured that if the FOB doesn’t pay close attention, every cost will find its way to his side of the ledger. And I guarantee he will not be able to pay close attention, as he will be distracted by monumental last minute life and death decisions such as should the flower girl start on her left foot and toss the flowers with her right hand, or vice versa.
Having recently endured the classic FOB wedding experience, I have permanent cramps in my right hand from check signings, and a lingering regret that I was too cowardly to say how I really felt about the groom’s family when I gave the FOB toast.
There are many classic wedding books, filled with serious advice and solemn suggestions for the Father of the Bride. But if a wonderful wedding is like a great party — and it is — then why not a humorous guide poking lighthearted fun at the weird and wonderful rituals and customs?
If you are the FOB, have been the FOB, will be the FOB, if you are on the groom’s side, the bride’s side, part of the wedding party, a guest, or if you simply like to laugh out loud, then And I Have To Pay For The F*cking Flowers? is a perfect gift.
About the author: The husband of one, and the father of two, I live in Manhattan, in the formerly fashionable Upper East Side. I am a founder and creative director of a New York advertising agency, which recently celebrated its 25th anniversary. During my advertising career, I have written ads for Skippy Peanut Butter, Trix, Total and Cocoa Puffs cereals, The Curacao Tourist Board, Anacin, Fruit Stripe Gum, Hardee’s, Old Spice Deodorant, and Dallas BBQ restaurants, among many others.
Having recently walked my daughter down the aisle, I have experienced the joyous delight of realizing that I am no longer responsible for paying for the straightening of her teeth, or the curling of her hair.
This short walk down the aisle—which on a cost per foot basis is more expensive than an Uber at full “It’s Saturday night and it’s raining” surge pricing—has led directly to the creation of my latest book, “And I Have To Pay For The F*cking Flowers?” (A heads up for the father of the bride on how he is about to get really screwed. And a few things he can do about it.) which will be available in August as an e-Book and paperback.
My Review: And I Have To Pay For The F*cking Flowers is a fast-paced read that would be a great companion for anyone who is about to get married. A read that any father of the bride can relate to and find comfort in knowing that they are not alone. Heyman writes from experience what it is like to be the father of the bride and all the stress that comes with carrying such a role. A funny and relatable read that will have you laughing and nodding in agreement. ** I received a complimentary copy in exchange for my honest and unbiased review. This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links.**