How to deal with toxic family members

A family should be your safe haven. Your safety net when life around you seems to fall apart. However, not all families are like this and some can be a headache in and of itself. 

You can easily let go of a toxic relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend by simply “breaking up.” You can leave a toxic spouse by filing for divorce and in some cases restraining orders are necessary. Even toxic friends are easy to break up with. Yes, you can avoid or break up with toxic people in your life and free yourself from the headache, heartbreak, and drama by simply avoiding that person. What happens when that toxic person is a family member that you cannot “break up with”, walk away from and they are not your spouse so divorce is not an option?

What can you do when that “one” toxic family member is ruining your life or the lives of the ones you love most? They are causing drama just for the fun of it or to hurt the other person. First, you have to accept the fact that not all families have healthy family relationships. That you may not have someone to lean on or go home to. Not all families have that trust, respect, love, and support. Some families only share a bloodline or a last name.

Everyone wants a family that will encourage them and build them up but some just tear them down. You have to accept the fact that it is not you, it is the other person. The one that loves to “stir” the pot and cause drama just so they can sit back and watch everything fall apart. These people then swoop in to save the day or pick sides to make the drama worse. You must realize that just because you share a bloodline does not mean you cannot walk away from that person. The bible says to flee evil people and sometimes that is the only way to free yourself from all the drama, heartbreak, and headache.

Some may feel that “running away” or avoiding the situation is not the answer. However, when it is the only way to free yourself it may be your only option. When your health and well being is at stake you must put yourself first. Most toxic people will not take the help you offer even though there are wonderful sources that could help them.

The toxic family member may be going through something in their lives that they cannot handle, need help with, or just do not know what to do. Some just love the drama and fighting that they know they can create. You could offer them a lifeline but most toxic people will just use that to draw you in. Any excuse to make you feel sorry for them so that they can use it to control you. This is when you must choose to put yourself and your health first or let that toxic person take control of you and bring you down. The only true way to free yourself from a toxic person is to avoid that person.

There are many books out there that offer step by step guidelines that will help to heal a toxic relationship and some of these may work. You might have to put a lot of heart and time into these but overall you must decide if it is worth it. Most toxic people never change. After all, a leopard cannot hide its spots. Long story short: avoiding that person may be your only choice.

** I am not a health professional and do not claim to be. The advice is my opinions and is not guaranteed to work. All relationships and people are different. **




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